Things I’m Thankful For in this Time of Tribulation

In attempt to break up the discouraging blog posts, I decided it would be fun to reminisce on some really funny, stupid things I’ve said or done while under the influence of my concussions/brain injury. However, unfortunately, I don’t remember any of them!! So, I decided, instead, to take a moment to look back on all of the things I’m so immensely grateful for despite my struggles during this time of tribulation. So, here goes!

 

My Faith

My faith has gotten me through many difficult and stressful times in my life before now, but I have never been so dependent on God for encouragement and hopefulness before in my life. Which also brings up that I’m incredibly thankful that God could love me and chase after me, personally, so much that he would work very personally in my life to help build me up in encouragement and remind me that He has my best interests in mind. And, in addition to that, I’m so thankful that this time has had the effect of making me more dependent on God and leads me to have a closer relationship with Him. I cannot look back on how my faith and relationship with The Father has grown over the last nearly two years and believe it to be a coincidence. I firmly believe that this was one specific reason that this struggle has been brought into my life and I can’t help, but sit in awe of The Father’s love for me. I do not deserve a love like His and I will continue to be in awe of that and grateful beyond words for it for the rest of my life here on earth and thereafter, as well.

 

My Family

Yes, my parents and I step on each other’s toes and are like kerosene on the flame of each other’s tempers at times, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they love me despite my moments of having an unappreciative or unruly attitude. I know that my pain and what currently seem to be “setbacks” in my life break their hearts almost as much as it breaks mine, and knowing that I have parents who are so invested in my life that it would affect them so much to see me hurting is definitely a blessing. I see how much they care and it only encourages me more. I know that no matter how small my world seems to get, I’ll always have those two on my side to support me.

In addition to my parents, my two older brothers and sister-in-law have been really supportive throughout this time, as well. I always enjoy seeing mail from sister-in-law come in because she’s always so positive and so encouraging (and sometimes I even get stickers or temporary tattoos, and yes this is genuine excitement!!). My oldest brother is always willing to sit with me on the phone for an hour-long conversation, which undoubtedly makes me feel better afterward, because for some reason when he calls I suddenly end up laying everything out on the table and he is always willing to listen to me babble and talk through all of it with me. One of the coolest things in the past year has been to see my other brother really stand up for me. We’ve never been super close (I was the annoying little sister and he the antagonizing older brother-spells disaster), but when I had to finally admit that I could no longer be successful in college and had to move home he was there for me. He knew how much I had always wanted to skip ahead to being in college (mostly for the huge libraries, let’s be honest, I’m a nerd) and he knew how hard of a decision it would be for me to turn that down and go home. He called and told me that if I ever got discouraged or felt like I had no options while I wasn’t in school, he’d be right there to help me out and work with me to find a way around it and still to this day, almost a year later, that single phone conversation is one of the most encouraging things for me to look back on.

Outside of my immediate family greets no less loving beast. I have two sets of loving, supportive grandparents that have been praying for me throughout this whole process and I cannot be more thankful for them and their guidance and support as the heads of their families. I respect and adore each one of them so much and am constantly renewed by their encouragements. On top of those four amazing people I have a plethora of cousins, aunts, uncles, great aunts, great uncles, cousins twice removed, etc, that are praying for me and supporting me and loving on me even from a distance and I cannot help, but to be so incredibly thankful for a family like that; that I know wishes the best for me no matter how far the distance between us or how long between visits.

 

My Friends

I don’t want to get all cheesy and say my friends are better than yours, but I’ve got to say they’ll give them a run for their money. I have lost friends I thought I was close with, and I have been let down by some I had too much faith in, but those that have stood by me through the mess of this life are friends to be cherished forever. I know I’ve mentioned this before, but to have someone who is willing to sit down and listen to all the gross, ugly, messy, discouraging pieces of a true struggle are the ones that you should never let go.

Putting up with someone who has a brain injury is hard work. The constant pain makes me temperamental at times and can absolutely make me down right moody. I end up feeling left out of a lot of things that I can’t afford to do without risking a debilitating headache and sometimes I look around (especially at all the kids my age enjoying college) and I become envious and discouraged by the fact that they are able to do something that seems so normal (though of course everybody has their own struggles and I work hard to remind myself of this). There have been times, especially after realizing that the surgery didn’t seem to be having any effect on my headaches where I become so discouraged that it’s hard for me to be happy about even the little things. It’s almost as if I become depressed for a couple of days in a very deep, dark and discouraging place before I can come back out of it. And knowing that I have friends that are willing to put up with that kind of real, raw, painful discouragement and continue to love on me and encourage me and strengthen me is more than I could ever ask for. Especially with all of this starting in my senior year of high school, which is easily supposed to be one of the most exciting and enjoyable years of your k-12 education and to still be considered a child on so many fronts and to be willing to sit with a friend in a really raw and ugly place in their life and say, “I will stand with you” is the most encouraging thing in the world. I am so completely thankful for friends that are willing to stand by me and love me no matter how annoying I get or how much I end up complaining some days. They sit through it because they love me enough to deal with the ugly stuff too and that’s how I know we have a real friendship that will last a life time.

 

Disney Movies

Lastly, since this, somehow, still ended up kind of depressing (sorry!), I want to take a second to throw a shoutout to Disney for being a fantastic, incredible, and encouraging company. People can say what they want about Disney, but I don’t care. I am not ashamed in the slightest to say that I happily sit down and watch Disney movies when I get upset. Why?! Because not only do they always have adorable animation and great lessons, they always show the importance of looking on the bright side and persevering through tough times until you get to where you want to be and I think that is just such an important message for us all to be reminded of from time to time. Disney movies never cease to encourage me and remind me that as long as I don’t lose hope and continue to persevere through trials and tribulations I can come out of it all with a life I love and am so content with that I can’t imagine trading it for the world, so that is what I’m working towards, thanks to those constant encouraging reminders found in just about any Disney movie that you could watch.

 

That’s all Folks
Well, more accurately, that’s all for this post. I can’t tell you everything I’m thankful for at once! Then I won’t have anything else to talk about in my posts meant to break up the depressing ones! However, I will finish by saying these last few things. One thing that I’ve really come to realize these past few years is absolutely, one hundred percent, don’t let yourself lose sight of those who love you and are there for you. When things get scary and upsetting it’s so easy to overlook all of the good things and get dragged down into all of the negative and discouraging things that can bombard you all at once. But don’t let yourself slip. Or, at least, don’t let yourself slip without reminding yourself of all the reasons why you don’t have to be so discouraged. There are so many beautiful and amazing things and people to live for in this world, so please, please, please do not let yourself forget that, despite how completely disheartening our struggles can sometimes be. Second, one of my favorite quotes says, “If you don’t like where you are, move. You are not a tree.” I think this is such an important reminder because even though some things are out of our control (i.e.-a brain injury) that doesn’t mean there aren’t other ways to move. One thing that is always yours to determine is your attitude and how you choose to look at the bad things, so if you don’t like where you are, feel free to move. If you don’t like how negative a circumstance has made you become, be brave enough to actively change that in your life. Believe me when I say, it’s definitely easier to let yourself be swallowed up by sorrow and pain and grief, but life is so much more enjoyable when you are bold enough to make that change and choose to be joyful and thankful for the things you can control. Around thanksgiving they always say, “remember to be thankful it makes you happier”, but I am here to attest that, that is so, so true. Thankfulness is the easiest way to see your life for the chaotic beauty that it is and to be joyful in that. Learn to love your life no matter how different it is from what you wanted it to be and encourage the possibility that this change in your life could bring about something so much better than that dream you had for your life.

 

I’m sorry my posts are always long, but thank you so much to all of you that take the time to read them. I hope they are as helpful/insightful/encouraging to you as they are therapeutic for me! God bless, rock on, and stay groovy.

XO-Sydney